Animals/ Pets

Things All Obsessed Pet Parents Do

We’re not afraid to admit that we’re more than a little bit obsessed with our pets, which leads us to do some quite weird things. If you do, too, don’t feel guilty! You’re our kind of people.

Here’s a short list of the (million) things we do that make our non-pet owner friends roll their eyes:

Kid Talk

Have you ever conversed deeply with a cashier about buying Lily a kiddie pool when they earnestly asked how old your daughter is? There’s no good way to tell them we’re talking about a French bulldog, so we just say, “Oh, she’s three!” and move on. Dog moms and dads are valid; no one needs to know your secret.

All’ll the Nicknames

It might say “Boots” on our cat’s name tag, but he hasn’t heard that name in a long time. He’s a little more familiar with his rotating roster of nicknames: “Worm” when he’s rolling around on the carpet, “Fancypants” when he does his model strut, “Lord Farquaad” when he looks down on us from on top of the fridge, and of course “Mr. Hollywood” when he’s making biscuits.

Parties for Days

Every good boy deserves parties–we don’t make the rules. There’s much to celebrate when you watch your fur baby go through so many milestones! We’ve had graduation parties for puppy training school, baked cakes to celebrate when they were finally house-trained, hosted a Halloween party so our cat could be the Salem to our Sabrina, and hung streamers for every birthday and gotcha day. Pro tip: cat and dog treat doggy bags make the perfect party favors.

Furniture Privileges

If you have the fortitude to keep your dog or cat off the furniture, we respect your discipline–but that couldn’t be us. Not only do our pets have a selection of specific cozy pet beds and hammocks around the house, but they also have designated couch cushions just for them.

For the single folks among us, it can be tough explaining to our new boos that Pickles is used to having half of the bed to himself. They can challenge Pickles’ claim–if they dare.

BFF Status

We love all our human friends very much, which is why we don’t tell them that our pets are our best friends. (If you do, power to you, brave soul!) Our pets just get us, and scientific research shows that pets are good for your mental health–so can you blame us for spending more time with them than anyone else?

We can easily fill every weekend with pet-friendly craft hours pressing their paw prints in clay, long hikes with our adventure pet, or a classic full-season Netflix binge cuddled up on the couch. Don’t use your pet’s health as an excuse to get out of too many happy hours, or your friends will start sending Ruby get-well cards after her third mysterious tummy ache this month.

If you’re just as codependent with your pets as we are, we allow you to stop feeling guilty! You’re not a bad person–you’re a cat or dog lover. Human-pet partnership changed our lives in the best way possible, and we’re happy to own the fact that our pets are our true ride-or-die.